We are Intolerant!

We are reading and listening about the newfound 'national issue'- "INTOLERANCE". Everybody is having their opinion, and nobody is shying away from putting it forward. Media, News channels, celebrities, politicians, everybody seems to discuss and getting irate of intolerance in our country.

 
While not knowing much about the topic, I googled about it. And viola! the first result was tagged as "A week of worrying about rising intolerance in India - BBC.com". So intolerance was rising, but it has always been there. I am not blaming our country for all this. A country is formed by the people who live there. And I believe, we bunch of people, who claim to have diverse religions, diverse practices and living in a country called India, have always been intolerant people. 
 
Had we not been intolerant in the first place, we would still have been a British Colony. Had we not been intolerant, we would not have framed a democratic economy. Had we not been intolerant, we would not have been pioneers and leaders in so many fields. Had we not been intolerant, we would never have come to heights which we are at right now! Its our intolerance to defeat and and substandards, that has taken us this far. Cricket is a religion in our country, and we cannot tolerate defeat in it. And because of this we have legends of the game belonging to our country. We could not tolerate good infrastructure in other parts of the worls, we started to build our country's infrastructure and look today we operate the Japanese Technology based metro in our country. We could not tolerate our poeple going out of the country to earn, we brought multinational companies to ours. We could not tolerate schools and colleges of other countries being the best in the world, be brought our IIMs and ISBs to standards of top B-Schools of the world.
 
Just that till now, the intolerance was channelled towards progress, nobody was bothered to acknowledge its presence in our systems. Now when we see it from a critical vision, we seem to have listed down a hundred flaws, barring thousands of good things about it. We have become intolerant to see the good side of things. we have become a negative nation. And that's what worries me and perhaps other people who have the guts to come out and say it loud. And what we see is the remark and not the broken heart behind it!

Who is to blamed?

"In laws are also my parents!!", she said. "Haha! We also used to think the same. You're a kid right now. I will ask you after you complete a year of your marriage", mockingly the other woman said to her. She kept thinking what was so funny or wrong in the statement that she made. She got back to work as usual, forgetting about the conversation.

Her friend's words echoed in her mind and she couldn't help change her mind on what she earlier said. She wanted to leave that home and run away. She wanted to go to a place where people didnt judge her all the time and didnt blame her for all that goes wrong in their lives.

She had feelings that what if she was not a 'female'. She wanted to die and be born as a male so that she also gets the priviliges that come along with a penis and two balls. She wanted to enjoy the freedom of lying down on bed at weekends and doing nothing, getting the food hot and fresh at the time of a meal, the freedom to choose whatever she wants to do in her free time, the freedom to be silly, the freedom to have tantrums, the freedom to make mistakes and be regarded as a kid.

All her life she has been 'serving' her family, making sure that there are no complaints and trying to do whatever best she can, but all she got was complaints- that this went wrong, this was to be done in a particular way, you cant take responsibilty of your husband, you dont understand your duties, we should be freed from the responsibility of your husband as we got you married, if he has not done it the right way, you should understand he is a boy and wont know the right thing to be done, why cant you mend it for him and what not!

Wryly she used to take everything and say nothing. "My husband has stayed and accustomed to this life, I should also!", "Maybe I am becoming too laxed on the effort I put, I should try and make it work.", she used to say this to herself all the time. One day she became like an old leaf and started to make noise on slightest of touch. Poor her, she didnt realise it was too late and was crushed to pieces in no time.

What was really wrong in the words she said? Why did her friend mock at her? Are we still looking at males and females differently? Are parents being biased towards their male childs still? I am sure you would think that atleast in metropolitan cities, males and females are equal, and we dont know about how tier 2 and other smaller towns operate. Right!

My dear friend, this is a story of a metropolitan family, a real family living in a posh home and in a famous locality. A family where qualified individuals live. I dont call such a family educated though! There is no trace of education. Females are still expected to be slaves of their husband and his family. They are still considered responsible for everything that happens in their homes. They are still expected do as per her husband's wishes and for his and his family's welfare. She is still not allowed to have a mind of her own and take a few moments out for herself. And I reiterate I am talking about the qualified families.

I dont wish to write further as it boils my blood and makes me anxious. I am sorry for the abrupt ending.

Piku piqued

 

I went to watch Piku today considering it to be an ordinary Bollywood movie with a not so typical subject- CONSTIPATION. It started with a constipation stuck irritated father and a selfless duty obliging daughter. A typical household, with regular problems.

As and when it proceeded, it talked about how women ignore themselves for the welfare of others and by others I really do mean her husband, her father and mother in law, her brothers and sisters in law and everybody else. And then came the intriguing thought, if girls are supposed to take care of the people around them, then why get married only. The parents who have really taken the pains of giving a birth to her, raising her up, taking care of her- why shouldn't she be taking care of them only. Why has the society made those expectations for the girls to get a training in her paternal home to take care of the poeple around her and practice the same at her in-laws place. Why do a girl has to take permission from her in laws to go meet her parents.

The movie talked a lot about liberation of women and people saw constipation. I don't understand why people become ignorant when some sense is thrown away at them. I guess, they suffer from loose motions when such things are fed to them.

Yes we live in a society where women are free to make a career for themselves and create their own identity, but still the is care of either her father or husband. Why cant she just be! All the powerful women are envied all across the globe, but what about the women who were so supressed to utter a word of their choice? Why isn't a son-in-law responsible equally for his wife's parent's well being?

Too many whys to ask, but I know that all will go in vain, because no one is 'man' enough to acknowledge and answer. Nobody realised that 'man' is just a part of 'woman'.

For now, I will let the 'men' be 'men' and women taking care of them!

My Choice! Really???

Alright! It may be a cliched and a dead topic, but I couldn't help write about it!
I have been reading a lot of articles and posts about the Vogue video with Deepika Padukone. While it sends a strong message and people have all sorts of views about it like its just catering to the high society women, and also that it doesn't touch base a common woman's woes, hence not for common people and what not! And they are fighting and debating over it! As if, they are the epitomes of the feeling called 'empowerment'.

Did anybody try to understand what the message was in real terms! Are women in this country being given their choice really! Yes!, women are being given a chance to build their careers, make a name for themselves, walk abreast with men, make certain decisions! You read that right, make CERTAIN decisions. Still, the 'Choice' remain in other's lap. still a women is expected to wear what her family or extended family is comfortable with.

A women who does not wear make up after marriage is like an alien. A newly wed girl has to, has to clad and dress up like a bride everyday! I am not kidding when I say she is given a choice to wear the color of nail paint and length of the sindoor! She has the choice for her career aspirations, till the time they accommodate the husband's career aspirations and her family's demands and needs. She still is required to be home before her husband and dress up for him so that when he comes home, he should find a perfect cultured wife smiling and watching the doors for him. She is totally free to make a choice for the colour of her clothes, but you know what, it will b really nice if there is something in reds or pinks or maybe maroons and magentas! Her choice, really!

An Indian women is really given a choice in waking up an hour before the husband wakes up, or maybe half an hour before. She is also given  choice to learn to cook any of the cuisines her mother-in-law doesn't know! How generous, isn't it! I mean what more can you ask for!

The choice buffet is not over yet! How can we miss- 'the ladkiyon wale kaam'. Don't be so awestruck now! I am talking about the chores like making the bed, cleaning bathrooms, washing utensils, managing the household- the 'aalishaan' house, adorable kids and sweet hubby and his ageing parents.
She may choose her time table to do all this, as per her convenience, do as much of anything and keep smiling. She is also given a choice to go 'visit' her maiden house as many times, with a prior approval from her in-laws.

She also has a choice to study after her marriage, like she can choose subjects like management of homes and maids, baby production, servicing of poor old parents in laws, nuances of jagrans and kirtans and what not! There is a complete handbook of the options available.
Its all her choice really!

But we chose to fight over a video's content. Phew!